I've often thought about it. there's no other way to say it, I'm confused. well, I was. not anymore. I don't think, at least.
for four years I really was. but this isn't about me, is it? it's about everybody that's somehow ended up on this strange page with a blank background and plain text, written by somebody you've never heard of and most probably never will hear of. ok, so what is the confusion I'm talking about? here comes the relation to you: limerence.
it's one hell of a thing. many people will say they have experienced it, but most of them are lying. limerence is not something that's "fuzzy and great with little knowledge" and something that inspires you to write teenage love stories. the only part that's accurate about that is the "little knowledge" part. everything else about it is completely false. if you've ended up here, you probably know what it feels like and want to break free from it. it's like a road in the middle of the night with no street lights. you can't see anything but the little part of the road that's in front of you, and you have no idea of what's coming next. it could lead to the driveway of your lover's house, or it could be a broken bridge that drops straigt into deep and cold water. once that water touches you, you know you're done for. but you're still driving on the road, very slowly, just hoping that it leads to the driveway. it doesn't even cross your mind that you could at any point fall into the water because your headlights give out. it's scary, anxiety inducing and a plain, so plain struggle. sometimes you've been driving so long that it doesn't seem like the road leads anywhere. that gives you the thought, "should I go back? but I've already come so far, there's no point".
the road goes on forever. the driveway never comes. the bridge that's broken never comes. nothing comes. it's just you driving on the road, still struggling, for no apparent reason at all other than that last bit of hope you're still clinging on to. and it's so hard to let go of it. it's impossible to let go of it. you just have to keep driving. the driveway will come eventually. it's not like it will go on forever, right? why would it do that? that's unreasonable. the roads you drove on before led you here. this is the path you're meant to take. the roads led you here.
shouldn't the car run out of gas soon? you've been driving for so long now. the gas gauge has broken, that's how long you've been driving. you have no idea when you'll arrive. hopefully the car has enough gas to make it all the way. it can't stop now. you're closer than you've ever been. you know this road is the one, all of the other ones have been dead ends. at least you knew they led to nothing. this one doesn't have that. that must mean it leads to the driveway, right?
I know the car is slow at this point, but you have to keep driving. you may not have a lot of gas, but it should be enough to get you to the end. keep driving. don't let the stalling noises distract you. you must make it to the driveway. the road has to lead there. it has to, there's no other way.
did you stop the car? it's out of gas, isn't it? just fill it up.
you have no spare gas.
there's no gas station in sight.
you're stranded. alone. in the middle of a deserted road.
the driveway still isn't in sight.
maybe, if you had brought more gas, you could have made it.
but you didn't.
it's over now.
years of driving led nowhere.